Just reminding everyone how much of an idiot Aaron Rodgers is

Also seeing if twitter embeds work.

Detroit Files for Bankruptcy

Bad week for Detroit.  First they find out that Eminem passes up on the Elysium role,1 now his city files chapter 11.2 Who would have ever guessed that Clint Eastwood’s half-hour Super Bowl commercial wouldn’t save the city?3 Plus the Tigers made it to the World Series last year with Miguel Cabrera winning the triple crown, so that had to help, right?  Truthfully, I don’t really understand economics, or accounting for that matter, so I’m probably not the right person to be analyzing this.

Sucks dick for the creditors.  Out of all of your clients, you don’t expect the one that is the 18th largest city in the U.S.4 to be the one that stiffs you.  Gotta give credit to Detroit though, just throwing in the towel Trump style.  The Donald’s filed for bankruptcy a ton of times, and he’s a huge success.  Come to think of it, if Detroit just starts cutting some corners and building casinos, they’ve got the potential to be the next AC,5 or at least get its own reality show.

 

  1. Actually that’s probably a good thing
  2. I actually don’t know if chapter 11 is the bankruptcy for cities.  Chapter 11 is probably wrong I could look it up, but I won’t.  I’m going to write a footnote instead
  3. After all, talking to an empty chair worked like a charm
  4. I was actually surprised to learn this. Columbus and Charlotte are bigger than Detroit? Are they still counting 8 Mile trailer park?
  5. Not that that’s a good thing

Drugs are Back!

Great week for drugs in sports.  Tyson Gay and Asafa Powell test positive,1 MLB gets ready drop bombs on A-Rod and Ryan Braun over Biogenesis,2 the Home Run Derby showcases some artificial muscle3 the Tour de France drags on,4 and Coach Kidd plead guilty to a 2012 DUI5

And you thought Bud Selig and Roger Goodell6 had rid the sports world of drugs.  No chance.  Athletes these days these days are juicing like it’s the 90s.7 Doesn’t even have to be steroids or classic PEDs like amphetamines and HGH.  Athletes are using all types of physical and mental stimulants, including Adderall.8 Even if you’re not blatantly using illegal substances, you’ve got to be testing the limits.  Gay said he was let down by a friend who told him his drug was legal,9 while Olympic 10k gold and silver medalists Mo Farrah and Galen Rupp apparently brought a goddamn Walgreens to London with them.  It’s just the reality; the winners are gonna be pushing the envelope, you want to be on top, you’ve got to be willing to get a little dirty.

Bottom line, if you’re not cheating, you’re not trying10

  1. Along with a few other Jamaican sprinters who people don’t actually care about. Actually, I guess people don’t really care bout track in general. Next time I won’t lead a story with track athletes.
  2. Since when can you cut a plea deal over a drug suspension?
  3. Kidding, maybe.
  4. Definitely not kidding
  5. Alcohol’s a drug right?
  6. Gary Bettman actively doesn’t do his job.
  7. Or at least the good ones are
  8. That’s right, the same drug that quadruples in price during finals week gets NFL players through their week.
  9. Had to link to BBC because the US could give a fugg less about what happens to track athletes.
  10. Classic Mark Grace quote, happened to find a bunch of other good ones here.

“Glee” Star Found Dead, Time to Wildly Speculate

I never really watched Glee,1 even though I’m partial to choreographed pop covers, the occasional Fox programming, and Jane Lynch.2  It’s probably because I’ve got a backlog of TV shows to watch longer than the line at Georgetown Cupcake3 and I try to avoid anything my parents like,4 with the exception of Top Gun.

Anyway, when I heard late last night that star of the show Cory Monteith was found dead in a Vancouver hotel room, I obviously figured it was a drug overdose.  Dude’s been in and out of rehab and has been very public about his problems, so this seems like a no brainer for those looking to jump to conclusions.

But I’ve got a serious5 rebuttal for that explanation.  They’re all saying this guy was 31, yet he was playing a high schooler just a few years ago.  He still looks 25, maybe, but he definitely doesn’t look 31.  And yeah I know that Hollywood regularly uses actors in their mid 20s to play high schoolers, but this guy is making Andy Milonakis look old.6  Bottom line: There’s no way this dude was on a ton of drugs.  No chance a thirty-year old drug addict could play a teenager.  Drug addicts look like this.7  Not like this.  For all we know those trips to rehab could have been publicity stunts like when Donny Osmond almost faked a drug arrest.

I’m not going to sit here and say that foul play was involved here, but then again I’m absolutely going to say foul play was involved.

UPDATE: My bad, Monteith died of a heroin and alcohol overdose.  Can’t be right about everything, I guess.

  1. Is it stylized “Glee!”? how do you type an “L” made out of a finger and a thumb? Are we off topic already?
  2. Did you know she was on “The West Wing?” Here’s proof
  3. I just started House of Cards this week.  How is that possible?
  4. My parents are still watching “Smash”
  5. Not actually serious
  6. BTW, if you’re not following Andy Milonakis on Vine, you’re making a mistake.  The Three Loco crew are some of the best in the game.
  7. Or this. Or definitely this.

Tim Lincecum Throws Most Poorly Timed No Hitter in MLB History

Gotta feel for the guy.  Gets a questionable haircut, goes 4-9, basically falls off the face of the earth, and then when he decides to make a big statement by throwing a 13 strikeout no hitter, he does it at one in the morning (east coast time, which is most important for the news cycle/twitterverse), right as George Zimmerman is being found not guilty and that Glee kid is (probably) OD’ing in a hotel room in Vancouver.1 Everyone is woke up this morning, checking their Facebooks 2 and having no idea that The Freak is back, unless they have friends who are die-hard Giants fans.  Timmy needs a new publicist immediately, someone to advise him to save his no-hitters for the east coast and not waste a good one during Zimmerman’s jury deliberations.  Obviously Glee kid’s death was unpredictable3 so we’ll chalk that one up to bad luck, but the Zimmerman’s trial is basically the only thing that’s been on msnbc and CNN for the past two weeks4.

  1. Easily the best part of that video I just linked to is that Jon Miller, formerly of ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball, was calling the game.  Hands down one of the best announcers of all time, second only to Harry Kalas.  Had no idea he was the Giants announcer.  I also had no idea that NBC broadcasted baseball, I legitimately can’t ever remember any time I’ve watched a baseball game on NBC.  They probably still do a better job than TBS.
  2. Because obviously this is everyone’s main news source
  3. Then again, maybe not
  4. No chance in hell Lincecum watches Fox News